


I'll Write On Your Cup (Until You Ask Him Out)

by LittleDanceGame16



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Getting Together, M/M, Roxy is awesome, also really bad pick-up lines, stupid teenage boys, wwhatevver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 17:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4884694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDanceGame16/pseuds/LittleDanceGame16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Yeah, well, that means your bestie over here has been writing pick-up lines on my cups for a month, acting like it was you."</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>The one where Karkat and Dave are oblivious idiots and you have to be the one to set them up. Obviously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Write On Your Cup (Until You Ask Him Out)

**Author's Note:**

> "Oh, I should write a little coffee shop AU drabble," I said.  
> "It'll be fun," I said.  
> So much for a little drabble.

Your name is Roxy Lalonde and your best friend just dumped a cup of coffee on your shirt.

 

As a seventeen year old hopeless romantic, you decided to get a job in a coffee shop. That's where everyone finds their true love, right? At least in the fanfics. So in hopes, that you will find  that one person , you took the dumbest job  a seventeen year old girl  could  get. There you met  Karkat Vantas. You had seen him at school before, of course, but never actually noticed him. On the first day of your shared shift, you noticed how the troll flipped rude people off behind their backs. At that moment you decided you had met your soulmate.

You and  Karkat soon became inseparable. Your boss, the asshole called Andrew  Hussie, had to change your shifts, so you could be together at work.  Eridan was mad about switching with  Karkat, but really, he should've been thankful. You just helped him get more quality time with  Sollux *wonk wonk*.

Lately, though, you haven't had much time to spend with  Karkat, because your cousins are moving  in close to you and you've been with them for most of the time.

But really, dumping coffee is a really bad way for getting revenge. You thought you had taught him better.

You look up from the cash machine and at your best friend, who just realised, what he had done. He grabs a bunch of napkins and starts scrubbing the stain - making it even worse - while spitting out apologizes, voice going a mile an hour. You laugh at him and grab his wrists, effectively shutting him up. "Hey, Kitty, it's okay." He pulls his hands away, smiles  apologetically and quickly disappeares to the kitchen. 

You don't even have the chance to understand what happened, much less to follow him, when suddenly a much deeper voice starts talking right behind you. "The first time I see you at work and you're covered in coffee. At this point, I'm not even surprised."

You turn around quickly. In front of you is standing one of your cousins, leaning on the table with a smile on his face and eyes hidden behind the stupid shades. "Hey, Dave," you respond to him, bowing down to pick up the coffee cup  Karkat had dropped. "What exactly brought you to this lovely little café?"

"Dirk."

"I meant the reason you're here and you know it."

Dave snorts and you're sure he's rolling his eyes. "Is visiting a relative a crime? Seriously though, what's the thing with the coffee? You didn't actually drop it on yourself, right?"

"Of course not," you scoff. Who does he think you are? "I'm not that clumsy. However, my co-worker slash bestie slash google slash google translate is." You turn your head over your shoulder and yell to the kitchen: "Don't take it personally. Not your fault you sometimes trip over your own feet or drop a glass in the sink or something."

"Shut up and get back to work!" comes back the reply, but the voice belongs to  Vriska . You're suddenly a bit worried.  Karkat would've thrown something at you for saying  anything like that.

You turn back to Dave and he must be able to read the worry from your face. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm really not sure right now," you answer and sigh. "He didn't shout an insult back. It's not like him."

Dave nods toward the kitchen door. "Well, go check on him then. I don't need you watching over me."

You smile and hurry to the kitchen. It's a slow day. You won't miss anything even if you do leave for a few minutes.

Usually,  Vriska and  Terezi work in the kitchen, because  Hussie doesn't trust anyone other than  Vriska with the food (horrible idea) and  Vriska refuses to work without  Terezi .  Vriska is currently working near the stove, while  Terezi is talking to  Karkat , the latter sitting on the kitchen isle and fiddling with his fingers.

You can't hear their conversation, but you do notice how  Karkat perks up when you come in. "Is he still there?" He asks, sounding a bit  worried .

You arch an eyebrow. "Who is still there?"

"That blonde guy with the shades, obviously,"  Karkat answers, accompanied with an eye roll. "There hasn't been literally anyone for the last twenty minutes."

"Oh, yeah, he's still here."

Karkat visibly deflates. "Fuck."

You blink rapidly  in confusion and walk closer to him. "You don't like him for some reason then?"

Funnily enough,  Karkat's cheeks turn a bit redder, while  Terezi laughs and says: "Oh, he likes the guy, alright. He just said - in  the exact same wording - that the guy looks like the god of hotness took the form of a human and walked in to this fucking lame ass excuse of a coffee shop just to distract  me. Which I can agree with. The guy smells heavenly."

Vriska bursts out laughing  and  Karkat hides his face in his hands. Even you chuckle a bit, before only saying: " Ew ."

Both  Terezi and  Karkat look up at you in surprise. " Ew? You don't think he's hot then?"  Terezi asks.

"Too scrawny and  seems like an idiot, might bang though,"  Vriska replies before you could even open your mouth. You shut your eyes. That was not a mental picture you wanted.

"I really didn't ask for your opinion,"  Terezi throws a sugar cube in  Vriska's hair. "But it's nice to know you agree with us. "

The blueblood just shrugs and says: "Not my fault  the dude's totally  fuckable and I wanted to point that out before Roxy goes off about his nose being too big or his hands being too hairy or something."

"Oh my fucking god, guys," you interrupt them, pinching the bridge of your nose. "That 'fuckable dude' is my cousin."

A silence fills the kitchen. Even  Vriska turns around to stare at you incredulously .

"Listening to you rant about how hot he is  is pretty fucking weird," you say and  Karkat instantly groans, blushing even more furiously now.

"Well,"  Terezi starts slowly. "Now there's a bit of a problem. Your bestie is  waaaayyy too attracted to your cousin."

-

You eventually decided to leave Karkat alone and go back to Dave. He seemed worried, but didn't question any further after you refused to tell him what happened. As much as you would love to play matchmaker and tell Dave all about Kitty's little meltdown over the human's hotness, Karkat would probably break your XBox for telling anyone. So you kept your mouth shut and just watched from the sidelines how Karkat fell hard for your cousin. For quite a few days, you got bombed with questions about him. ('Yes, he's 19. No, he actually just flew here from Houston. The shades are just his thing, he isn't really a complete douche. No, I don't think he's allergic to peanuts, why are you even asking this? Jesus Christ, yes, he would, he's bi. You never even asked if I had any cousins, I didn't really see a reason to tell you.') By the end of these days you felt like he knew more about Dave than the guy himself did.

The second time Dave came to the shop,  Karkat had to actually talk to Dave. You were currently busy with other peoples' orders, meaning the troll was the only worker that could take Dave's order. Your cousin, of course, was delighted to finally meet your best friend, even though  Karkat couldn't stop stuttering and his ears were a bright red all through the (short) conversation they had.

You asked Dave about his thoughts on  Karkat later. He said that the guy is cute, even if he did accidentally give him a wrong  drink, which happened to be even better than the one Dave had ordered. You had to stop yourself from  fist pumping the air.

The third time Dave visited was the one, where  Karkat actually hid behind the counter as soon as he came in with Dirk. You asked what it was about later.  Karkat glared at you and said that you didn't tell him Dave had an almost as hot brother too.  Terezi couldn't stop laughing.

Today is the fourth time Dave comes in the shop. You decide to ignore the 'watching from the  sidelines' rule and make sure your best friend gets over his pining and finally scores. Even if it's  with your cousin.

You sit on a table in the kitchen and check your watch. Dave will be here in only ten minutes or so and you still don't know how to set them up.  Terezi sits down next to you and pats what she thinks might be your arm - it's your thigh - and says: "Boys are idiots."

You sigh and nod. "That they sure are. I don't even know, how to set them up without  Karkat getting mad."

"Well, you see, you need to do it without  Karkles finding out,"  Terezi states, as if it's obvious.

"Yeah,"  Vriska jumps in on the conversation and suddenly appears on your other side. "Let Dave think  Karkles is hitting on him, while  Karkat himself has no idea."

You stay silent for a while and think about what your friends just said. You're not sure, how to do that. It's hard to be straightforward enough for Dave to understand - he could be quite oblivious sometimes - while still being subtle enough for a romance genius like  Karkat to not catch on to.

Because your IQ is over 9000, a lightbulb suddenly turns on in your head and you gasp in realization. "Oh my god, you two are geniuses!" You almost yell, hug them both and dash out of the room, leaving the chuckling  soulsisters alone.

You get behind the counter just on time to see Dave walk in with both Dirk and Rose.  Karkat turns to you, getting ready to ask you to cover for him, but you shake your head, grabbing at random stuff and acting like you're working. "I'm too busy, you take it."

Karkat pouts and sends you a pleading glance before turning to Dave, who is now right in front of the counter. You see that Rose and Dirk are sitting in a booth and waving to you. You wave back quickly and rush around, making sure Dave turns to  Karkat, not you.

Dave tells the troll their orders and goes to the  Strilonde booth.  Karkat starts preparing their drinks and you rush to his side. "Which one is Dave's?" you ask quickly, looking at the two already done cups of coffee.

Karkat looks at you with a raised eyebrow but points at  the cup on the right. Then he turns back to what you guess is Dirk's coffee. Rose doesn't drink coffee. Since he is turned around for now, you quickly pull out a sharpie and start scribbling on Dave's cup.  Karkat luckily doesn't seem to notice. You finish just as he puts the lid on Dirk's cup and turns around. You pull all three cups in your arms.  Karkat looks at you weirdly again and you respond with: "Just making sure you won't trip and pour all these drinks on my cousin. You know, sparing you from the embarrassment."

With those words you turn to leave, thanking every single god or something like that you can think of. If  Karkat would've noticed what you wrote, the whole plan would've been scrapped.

You walk to the booth and sit down next to your sister, handing everyone their drinks. "What's up?" you ask, trying and probably failing at being subtle. Dirk looks at you weirdly as both he and Dave pick up their cups at the same time.

Rose  makes a surprised sound next to you and says: "You should check the side of your cup, Dave."

He raises an eyebrow and looks at what you wrote. You just now realize that maybe it was a bad idea, maybe Dave isn't even interested, maybe he finds the line stupid, maybe he recognizes your handwriting. You tense, as his eyes scan over the words.

All the worry leaves your mind when Dave bursts out laughing.

Dirk looks over his brother's shoulder to read and he starts laughing also. "Oh my god, this is the worst pick-up line I've ever seen."

"Oh my, it's a pick-up line?" Rose pipes in, snatching Dave's cup while the boy holds his head on the table, trying to even his breathing.

Now that you think about it "are you 'Love Actually'?  Cuz I could watch you a million times and never get tired of  you" was not the best line you could've used.

Rose also starts chuckling and puts the cup back on the table. "Don't tell me it was your best friend?"

Dave raises his head and looks up at you over the rim of his glasses, suddenly completely serious. "The cute one?"

"It's not like I've got only one friend," you respond, rolling your eyes. "You might need to be a bit more specific."

"Oh come on, you know which one I'm talking about. The one that just took my order."

"Oh,  Kitkat?" You say, acting surprised. "Shrug, maybe. I was too busy to notice if he wrote it."

Dave turns his head and glances at the working troll quickly. "God damn it, he's cute," he mutters under his breath, barely audible. You try to stop the smug smirk from curling on your lips.

-

This continues for far longer than you'd like. Every single time Dave comes to the shop, you have to come up with a new ridiculous line or a way to hide it from  Karkat . All because Dave is a fucking idiot and won't ask your friend out already, though they're both obviously head over heels for each other.

Even Dave himself, the super chill  coolkid went through the same  stalkerish phase  Karkat went through. His, however, lasted only two days, though he spoke about him without a stop. Which meant he knew a lot about  Karkat eventually. ('He's actually as old as me, but who cares, it's only two years. Yeah, he's into romantic movies, I  dunno why, it's just his thing. I don't think he knows it actually, he's really insecure. Yeah, he always yells at people. Trolls are  kinda pansexual. Like all of them. Unless they're asexual? Oh my god, I don't know. Don't ask me such complicated questions.')

Since Dave is an idiot, you have to keep thinking of lines that fit  Karkat. It keeps getting harder with every cup though, and soon they are pretty fucking retarded, causing Dave to burst out laughing in the middle of the coffee shop with  Karkat swooning in the kitchen because 'his laugh is too cute, why doesn't he laugh all the time, he should laugh all the time, I'm  gonna record his laugh and listen to it on repeat when going to sleep'. It's going to become too cute to handle soon enough.

The second pick-up line was something completely random. You were so sure Dave was going to ask  Karkat out after the little stunt you pulled last time. When he didn't do that, you had to improvise.

'Are you social anxiety,  cuz you haunt my every waking hour.'

Dave laughed so loud the entire café glared at him.

The third was also random. This time  Karkat almost caught you though. You said you drew dicks on Dave's cup.  Karkat didn't question any further.

'Are you my cat,  cuz I think you're pretty fucking cute.'

Dave put it up on his Instagram with the caption 'the cashier at the local coffee shop is too fucking adorable, oh my god'. Thank god  Karkat thought Instagram is stupid.

Eventually you gave up on the idea of Dave actually asking your best friend out anytime soon. You also gave up on writing somewhat normal pick-up lines.

'My cat run away. Can I cuddle with you?"

Dave accidentally banged his head on the table because of laughing too hard.

'I'm gay.'

'I'm like SUPER gay.'

Dave had been really confused the earlier day but after this one he realized they were connected and had just laughed.

'I need a milkshake. And a boyfriend.'

Dave came back the next day without ordering anything, only bringing  Karkat a milkshake. The troll looked after him, confused, while you were giggling under the kitchen table with  Terezi.  Vriska just rolled her eyes, though you noticed the amused smirk on her face.

'I only have three months left to live.'

That one kind of backfired. Dave thought  Karkat was actually dying and it took you half an hour to convince him that the troll was fine.

'Didn't you hear? It's national Date-The-Hot-Cashier Day.'

Once again, Dave just laughed.

'Just pointing out I'm a troll and aliens have  tentadicks. Just saying.'

Dave spat his coffee on Rose's shirt. Rose choked on her tea once she read it. That lead to Rose having to explain trolls' genitals to Dave, since she knew about them best from your group of friends, considering she was the only one dating a troll. Dave didn't know whether to be grossed out or really turned on.

'I'm  gonna need a library card,  cuz I'm checking you out. … I'm not sure if libraries still exist.'

Dave dropped the cup in his own lap because of laughing.  Karkat later told you that he wanted to high five Dave because of that. He wasn't the only one dropping coffee cups around here.  

At that point all of your friends knew about "Davekat" as  Nepeta so helpfully decided to name them. They were all just as exasperated about it as you were and none of them - other than  Terezi and  Vriska \- had to see it on daily basis.  Nepeta drew them on her shipping wall and even  Gamzee said that 'he will step in this if they didn't get their heads out from their assholes and start banging each other'.

That led you to your next line.

'My friend is writing fanfics about us. Just think about that."

You had to explain what the hell is a fanfic to Dave. After that Dave wanted to read the ones  Nepeta had written.

'I hate your clothes. Could you take them off?'

You were pretty sure Dave was going to shout 'not until the third date' over the café. You stuffed a donut in his mouth as soon as he opened it though, saying just one word. "Donut." Dave threw a  sugar cube in your face.

'You must be Starbucks,  cuz I crave you. Five times a day.'

Dave offered  Karkat his coffee.  Karkat just blinked twice and said: "Do you think I can't make myself coffee? I work here." 

Dave shrugged  nonchalantly and said: "I'm not that easy to get but I could still bring you coffee."

Karkat didn't understand shit he was talking about.  Vriska groaned and banged her head against the wall.

'I don't hate you as much as I hate others.'

The point was proven when Dave noticed  Karkat holding up his middle finger at rude customers while they weren't watching. He  aww' ed at him, while you were holding a heart around them with your hands. Dirk chuckled at you and raised his fist for a  fist bump .

'LOVE ME!!!'

Dave blew a kiss to him right after finishing reading it.  Karkat's knees buckled and he almost fell over.

'Are you a parking ticket,  cuz I  wanna fuck you.'

After Dave started flirting with  Karkat because of the writings on his coffee cups, you decided you could get a bit dirtier with whatever you wrote on it. The reaction, though, was priceless.  

It was visible that Dave's eyes widened even with his shades on and raised one hand to his face to hide the red colour spreading all over his cheeks. You and  Terezi high-fived while  Karkat sat down on the floor behind the counter, also blushing madly.

'Do you want breadsticks? It's not really a pick-up line, but I love memes as much as I love you.'

Karkat doesn't understand, where all the breadsticks went.

'Are you a potato,  cuz I  wanna mash you. I'm running out of ideas, ok?'

Dave has to go to the restroom because he couldn't contain his laughter.  Karkat seemed worried, but you assured him Dave is alright.

It's been nineteen pick-up lines and you just delivered the twentieth. You are so done with them beating around the bush and you hope Dave is going to fucking do something, before  Gamzee has to.

You are currently behind the counter with  Karkat. He's doing whatever with the cash machine and you yourself are cleaning the table. To your surprise, you hear footsteps approaching and you raise your head just in time to see Dave putting his coffee cup on the counter in front of you, today's sentence glaring right at you. Your stomach clenches and you look up at your cousin.

"I figured it out on the ninth line," he explains, causing you to wince. "The hot cashier dating day one. You said  Karkat hates how he looks. It didn't really make sense."

You bang your head on the table and groan in embarrassment. You feel Karkat getting closer to you and you hear the confusion in his voice as he asks if everything is fine.

Dave picks the cup up again and says to  Karkat. "I'm assuming you haven't written anything on this?"

You could almost feel how  Karkat raises an eyebrow in confusion. "No."

"Yeah, well, that means your bestie over here has been writing pick-up lines on my cups for a month, acting like it was you."

You raise your head and quickly begin explaining to  Karkat, ignoring the wide eyes and the ajar mouth: "Ok, you guys were both so obviously head over heels for each other and you didn't want me to tell  Dave and you wouldn't have believed me if I would've told  you  Dave was crushing on you. If I would've tried to tell him, you would've been mad at me. Besides, I wasn't even completely sure if Dave really felt that way about you back then. So it seemed like a good and safe way to find out. And then he told me he liked you, but you still wouldn't have believed. So I kept writing them in hopes that maybe Dave would get his shit together and ask you out but he didn't and that fucking sucks. I really didn't mean to drag it out like that or anything, I just really wanted to help." You stop talking once you realize you are ranting. You lower your head and bite your lip, hoping that neither of them are too mad.

You hear a deep laugh from your right. "Oh come on,  Rox, I'm just messing with you. It's not like I'm actually angry because you wrote horrible pick-up lines on my coffee cups. I think it's cute and quite honestly, pretty fucking clever." You look up again and at your cousin, who is currently chuckling. "Besides, no one was hurt in the process, so whatever. Alright, that's a lie. We couldn't get the coffee off Rose's shirt, but you get my point."

"Yeah, I think it's nice,"  Karkat pipes in, shrugging it off with a smile. "You going through all that trouble so Dave would ask me out. It's adorable, really. I don't think I could've asked for a better  moirail." You smile back at him, getting ready for the hit. "I will, however, steal half of your clothes for a month because of that." Ah, there it is.

"Deal," you agree, fist bumping him. You back away after that though, so  Karkat and Dave can talk face to face. You stay there to watch though, because they're both pretty fucking hot and you wouldn't mind, if you saw some action. Besides, you've been a matchmaker for them for a month. You deserve this.

"So  Karkat," Dave starts, leaning on the counter and looking straight into  Karkat's eyes (man, the pros of being on the side and seeing behind Dave's shades). "I know Roxy wrote all of that, but she also implied it was because you were actually interested in me? Am I getting this right?"

Karkat just nods.

"Ok, that's great. Now, I understand your friends have been kind of annoyed at our obliviousness?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Must be. Today's pick-up line was 'Jesus Christ, ask me out already'."

Karkat bursts out laughing and you can't help the 'aww' the escapes your mouth. You rarely hear  Karkat laugh and you instantly know he and Dave are a perfect match. It's as if fate brought Dave to this coffee shop not because of you, but because of  Karkat. Like they're soulmates. Like they're made for each other. Like they're supposed to spend the rest of their lives together.

You're reading too much into this. They're obviously just horny teenagers with huge fucking crushes.

Still, they're fucking cute together.

#don't judge

"So yeah, that's what I'm  gonna do," Dave chuckles and stands up straight. "Karkat  Vantas, would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Oh my god, you're making it sound as if you're proposing to me."

"If you really  wanna marry me, you  gotta wait a couple years. I really don't think your parents will let you do something so stupid right now. Besides, I'll probably just write the proposal on your coffee cup. "  


"You're an idiot."

"But I'm your idiot."

"That's the corniest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"You still haven't answered the question."

Karkat rolls his eyes fondly and chuckles. "Yes, I'd love to go on a date with you."

"Do I have to wait until I take you home after the date to kiss you? Like right in front of your door. Maybe I'd dip you or something. In rain. With like rose petals all around us or something like that. Since you're into all that romantic shit."

"No, you really don't have to wait for the end of the date."

"Oh, thank god."

Dave grabs the front of Karkat's shirt, causing him to squeal (oh my god, so cute) in surprise. He leans a bit closer,  simultaneously pulling  Karkat almost on the table. Their lips meet in the middle and both of them instantly melt against each other.

You definitely do not squeal.  Terezi doesn't gasp at the amazing sight - uh... smell... - in front of her.  Vriska doesn't take a photo.


End file.
